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The beach

I shouldn’t be writing about this if people are responsible enough and are doing their share in protecting our beaches. How hard is it to clean up after ourselves and not take anything that isn’t ours? Isn’t that elementary? Wait-we’ve been taught that since preschool!!! And in my days, we were taught that before we went to school and probably before we could even talk!!

What am I talking about??? I hate the mentality that since you already paid for a certain fee (or whatever), there should be people to clean up after you. Hello?!? The world does not revolve around you. The ocean is most definitely not yours! It belongs to the Lord for us to take care of. They are for the future. And the future means our children and our children’s children and so on. So is it OK for our kids to loiter since we Took care of it for them? NO! I said it belongs to the future, which means if “they are” existing then “they are” (present tense) which means they should preserve it for “the” future. For those who are to come. Those who are yet to exist and see the wonder and beauty of God’s creation.

Another self explanatory ranting but so many people need to be reminded of. When you go to the beach, you follow two simple rules for mother nature. This is a no-brainer. Every good steward knows this!!!

Leave nothing but footprints.
Take nothing but pictures.

“Nuff said.

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On posting personal pics on social media

I don’t want to be a jerk. Sure I post a lot of pictures of Jacob on my Facebook and when i get a little free time, i post on Instagram too. But I never meant to brag. Don’t take this the wrong way. I am a very proud mother. I am very proud of Jacob. Very proud of his milestones and I love exploring and learning with him everyday as he discover the world that still seem so brand new to him.

I seldom write here about his milestones, the things he can do (I never post about these things on my twitter, fb or ig) and I would be defensive when people (often dear and closest to me-wth?!?). ask me why he can’t do this or that at his age (more on that on a different post).

Let me clear that I am living in a foreign land. We have relatives here in the U.S but in different states and no one near Indiana where we currently live in. Our immediate families are all in Asia, I am a full time stay at home mom and apparently, the only friends I have are the friends I made from my husband’s work and from church, which, even combined together, do not really comprise a big number to be honest.

The only reason I am posting is to stay updated with my family and closest friends who cannot watch nor see my son grow. Not to brag about him although I am proud of him. I do not mean to pressure friends who have yet to get married (or are already married) to start a family. I have no intentions of making people (within my age bracket) feel that they should join the family bandwagon or make single people feel alone. I never wish to make anyone feel that they need to get married to feel complete nor to have a child just to feel accomplished or just because this is what people in our age do (I believe that any gap or void in life could only be filled by God and that unless you realize that, no man or man; nor any child for that matter would make your joy complete).

This is not imposing that this is how we should live at this certain point of our lives although i know they are made to feel that way many times. We have different priorities. I respect that. There is no time limit or a ticking bomb ready to explode if you don’t marry at a certain age. You don’t get married to settle down. Some people need to settle down before getting married. We are all different.

Don’t feel pressured to have kids just because everyone you know is having them (Btw, I AM PRO-LIFE). Don’t get married so you can have the assurance of someone to love you every single day (love is hard work. You work hard for it every.single.day.). Have kids but not because all your friends have them. Get married because you have found the greatest love of your life. Not because you are afraid of being an old maid. Enjoy the gift of being single (yes, you heard it right-it is a gift!). Enjoy the gift of marriage! Marriage is a blessing! It is sacred. Not everyone gets to chance to find the love of their life and get to spend the rest of their lives with each other. And when the time comes, enjoy your babies. Enjoy your children!!! Not everyone who wants to have kids can have kids. Treasure them. They are real gems. You are entrusted to raise the future. You are entrusted to mold people. Use this gift carefully. Remember that little children are little people. They need all the care and love and attention you can possibly give just like any person. Be gentle. Be filled with love.

Enjoy what you have at the moment and pray for wisdom when the time comes for you to take the next step-the big leap. As for my pictures, they will remain posted but I choose what I post. And I hope to see yours as you go where your life’s adventures take you.

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Women vs. women

We hear it too often it’s almost cliche. “We are our worst critic”.
I think it’s more appropriate to say that other women are a woman’s worst critic. It’s so self explanatory but I want to expound on this based on the simplest and worst experiences.

Case in point number1:
Would a woman applaud another woman for giving up her career to take care of her child? NO. Believe it or not, the worst comments she’d hear would most likely (More or less 100%) come from women. Women she knows. Women she barely knows. Women who think motherhood must include a career in the equation to make herself a hero. That being”crazy busy” and hours spent away from her children means she is doing motherhood right. Why can’t women support women who choose to give up their careers for family?

Likewise,
Would a woman applaud another woman who choose her career over her children? Although i have seen more empathetic moms who keep mum over this because not everyone can afford to stay home with their kids. But how often are working moms understood that leaving the kids in the care of someone else isn’t easy especially if it’s the only way to put food on the table? The only way to pay the bills and secure the kids’ future?

Why does one have to be above another? Why does one have to be better than the other? Why can’t women share the limelight? If you think you deserve to be put on a pedestal, don’t you think it should be shared with someone else too? Does one really need all the glory to herself? Do women really need to put each other down to pull one’s self up? And do we really need the limelight? Do we need to put ourselves on a pedestal? Truth is, we don’t! Too much drama being a woman IMO.

Case in point 2:
Breastfeeding.
Please this is not a debate whether you should or should not breastfeed. We all know breast milk IS best for babies. It is understood that not everyone will do it. But don’t you think more mothers would breastfeed if she is not judged when she needs to do so in public? I have found that aside from all other obstacles (and there is A LOT), one of the worst things a breastfeeding mom has to do is go out.

The shame and hassle of having to discreetly hide her new baby when she doesn’t have a bottle ready or if the baby wouldn’t take the bottle and needs to take out a boob. She has to think of all the opinions of all the people who would see her and consider whether “feeding her baby the natural way” is making other people uncomfortable. I do not want to think of how many women stopped breastfeeding for this reason.

Guess what? Some men may want to take a peek BUT most men (at least here in the U.S), i have found to be respectful enough to turn away or find another parking spot when they see a woman nursing (YES, EVEN WITH A COVER).

My son is 8 months as of now and i have heard COUNTLESS shaming stories, with that familiar, no doubt, critical voice of women(-yes, even women dear to me!!!)one of which, telling me how a teen explicitly gave a boob to her crying baby in public. Or that women nurse in public for everyone to see and how it made them uncomfortable. And the mortified tone when i should be the one mortified! Like, “Why are you telling me this?! You know I breastfeed!”.

I remember a voice of an old friend-THE ONLY ONE, who said, “who cares what people think and say?! My son is hungry and i will feed him the best way i know how!”. After that, i became proud and confident wearing my nursing cover(which i now rarely use). Screw (excuse the word.or not), the people who treat nursing in public worse than P.D.A!! I am feeding my son!

Back home, not everyone can afford a nursing cover and would have to do with nothing and yet, there they are, treated with contempt by their fellow women because they have to give a boob to their hungry baby while men are looking at them when they should be angry at the men for staring. Should breastfeeding be sexualized? No! God designed us for it! We are made to do it! Why must it be a big deal? Why can’t women be respected for doing so? You never hear a woman judge another woman when her baby receives a bottle, “what?! How could you?!” Or “Why are you feeding him through bottle?” Or “Shame on You for giving a bottle in public!” No. You never hear that. How can we be so judgmental of those who do not?! If women stick together, if we could learn to support one another, we can ask those guys to look away because it is making the mother uncomfortable rather than judging and criticizing the breastfeeding mom for making HER uncomfortable which shouldn’t be the case at all if we have each others’ backs!!!

We went to the Philippines last December and had to go to the clinic for our clearance before returning here in the U.S. The clinic we went to was incidentally, inside a nice mall in Ortigas where most (if not all) the crowd are middle working class to upper class. So there i was, waiting for my husband who had to check with his boss while i was at the food court and my son who at that time just turned 4 months became hungry. So i took out my cover and fed him. I felt eyes on me. I looked to my left–nothing. And then to my right-there he was. Probably around late 30’s-mid 40’s who was looking at me. I was completely covered and yet obviously feeding, having my baby positioned under my cover. He shifted, still trying to peek. I moved to my side farther from him. He stood up and shamelessly leaned over to me. I stood up. Glared at him and stopped feeding my son. I was mortified but do not want to make a scene! Imagine my horror!

Looking back, I should have confronted the guy. I was afraid to tell my husband because he is very protective of me and my son. And that realization (yet again) of how much breastfeeding women had to go through. And unfortunately, women are our worst critics. They would be the ones to say, you deserve it for taking out a boob in public. You are making a scene. Wow. What a world we live in.

If feeding a hungry baby is a crime, is wearing shorts an invitation for rape? Ladies, we should know better. We should react better. We should be better to each other. I can elaborate more but as i have said: self explanatory.