To my son

My son,

i am writing this for you but as i write, i realize i may be writing this for myself. That i would always remember of the time when i was enough. Warm mommy hugs were the highlights of your day. Playing with mommy is bliss. Changing your nappy while you twist and turn is the hardest thing i have to do (except when you get the sickies then it’s the worst!). Feeding you is bonding time. Mommy kisses made you giggle with delight. You make me carry you everywhere i go except when we’re on your play area and you want to crawl and sit and roll and do whatever. You love biting me with your toothless gums which will, pray not too soon, grow teeth. Bath time is play time. You love jumping on mommy’s lap while i hold your hands. Mommy can kiss all the fears and pain away. Mommy is the only one you want to be with-not those strangers. My attention mean more to me than anything in the world. My love is enough to get you through the day. At one time, it was. Right now, son, it is.

One day, i won’t be enough.
One day, you will learn how to stand. How to walk. And then you may learn how to walk away. You may unintentionally or intentionally hurt me, love me less, care for me less.
One day, you may stop caring about what i think, what i do, how i am (i hope not!).
One day, you will not be a messy eater but you would not want to eat with me too.
One day, you will learn to let go of the crazy crying crying because of the stranger anxiety but you may be anxious not to be seen with me anymore.
One day, your hands will grow to fit mine better but my hands won’t be the hands you’d want to hold.
One day, i may not be your greatest love.
One day, you will leave me-not to crawl going to daddy’s arms as you do now,but to leave and make your own home. One day. Someday.
But not today. Today, all is right in the world.
Today, i am your first love, your greatest love.

I have always heard people say this and i tell you this too with more meaning than ever:
“You may outgrown my arms but never my heart”.
I love you more and more each passing day and i never thought i could love you even more than the day you were born. I was wrong. My love for you today is stronger than yesterday and it will be stronger tomorrow and even more the day after.

I love you and the world may go on turning or it may stop. But my love for you won’t. The Lord may take me or you away but my love won’t be taken away. You may grow so big even bigger than mommy but my love for you will be bigger. You may one day decide to live halfway across the world from me but my love for you knows no distance. I may grow old and forget about things but i will not forget you nor the love i have for you. That love will always be yours. Never taken away, only multiplied as days go past.

You are our life’s greatest blessing. You were, you are and still are my greatest miracle. You are the most perfect gift from heaven. I love you forever son. And if i love you this much, i cannot imagine how much the Lord loves you! For He loves you more than i ever could.

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